Friggin' Jury Duty....

[F the Cubs]

I have to go to the court house tomorrow for the jury selection process. I'm not happy about this at all. As a head coach of a varsity softball team, I need to have practice, dammit. This fucks practice up for however long and I just can't have that. I'm thinking that this excuse will not be sufficient in getting me out of serving.

So, outside of soiling myself during the interview, how in the hell does one creatively get out of serving? Obviously, witty, tongue-in-cheek responses are welcome, but I'm looking for some legitimate strategies. Thanks in advance.

[Moon Man]

Just tell the judge that you have to have softball practice, and that he's fucking crazy if he thinks you're gonna miss that to perform your civic duty.

Moon

[210]

I have to go to the court house tomorrow for the jury selection process. I'm not happy about this at all. As a head coach of a varsity softball team, I need to have practice, dammit. This fucks practice up for however long and I just can't have that. I'm thinking that this excuse will not be sufficient in getting me out of serving.

So, outside of soiling myself during the interview, how in the hell does one creatively get out of serving? Obviously, witty, tongue-in-cheek responses are welcome, but I'm looking for some legitimate strategies. Thanks in advance.

I just had jury duty today

I got out of it because I have a doctor's appointment Thursday and the trial was expected to last past then...of course it took until 1530ish for them to finally let me go home.

Odds are unless you have a 100% legitimate reason you're going to serve...and remember, there probably isn't an excuse they haven't heard.

[Sheriff Blaylock]

Every Jury should have nothing but teachers during the summer months. It is only fair.

[Moon Man]

Depends on your jurisdiction - some are more understanding than others. If you have an important job, such as doctor, nurse, EMT worker, etc. that can sometimes be used to get out of jury duty.

If you have small children, or care for an aged parent who cannot do without your absence, you can try that as well.

You could also go with the 'Overly Enthusiastic Juror' ploy, and run on and on at the mouth about all the episodes of Law and Order you've seen, how you really want to hold someone's life in your hands, etc., and so on. Waving of arms, speaking very quickly, acting jittery, and leaping out of your seat without warning all will help.

Moon

[InSighT]

If it's a malpractice suit, tell them your mom/dad/wife is a doctor. Worked for me.

[Blues Fan in TX]

Good luck. I tried getting out of it about a month ago - told the judge and the attorneys I knew people in the CHP, San Jose cops, etc...

Didn't do any good. Still got picked. Trial lasted 6 weeks. On top of all that, I was an alternate, so I had to sit through about 6 weeks of testimony/evidence, and then I didn't even get to deliberate - the other alternate and I were excused at that point.

What a waste of time. At least it was entertaining (esp. when the defendant testified in his defense - that was high comedy )...

[F the Cubs]

Thanks all. I have no idea how big the jury pool is that they'll pull from. I'm guessing there's a decent chance I could know the person being tried. If I've even heard of the name, I'm going to say I taught them or knew them from my past six years of teaching.

I tried the kid angle, but that didn't work. Our sitter takes one month off in the summer and guess what, it's that time. But, the lady at the court house wasn't very sympathetic to my situation. I asked her if I could keep my kids in the judge's chamber since I don't have a sitter, but she didn't even laugh.

[F the Cubs]

Every Jury should have nothing but teachers during the summer months. It is only fair.

I have plenty to do!! Trust me. My tan is fading. My grass is getting taller. My pool needs to be cleaned. My golf clubs need to be cleaned. Ya know??!!

[007]

Good luck. I tried getting out of it about a month ago - told the judge and the attorneys I knew people in the CHP, San Jose cops, etc...

Didn't do any good. Still got picked. Trial lasted 6 weeks. On top of all that, I was an alternate, so I had to sit through about 6 weeks of testimony/evidence, and then I didn't even get to deliberate - the other alternate and I were excused at that point.

What a waste of time. At least it was entertaining (esp. when the defendant testified in his defense - that was high comedy )...

How in the hell did you get to participate in a six week trial? You retired now?

[Blues Fan in TX]

How in the hell did you get to participate in a six week trial? You retired now?

I wish

Judge was peeved at the attorneys during jury selection because they kept on dismissing jurors...I was at the very end of the pool, so the judge basically railroaded us into it...we got to read the questions off the questionnaire but that was it - he basically said to the DA and public defender "If you don't have a problem with these remiaining 4 people, that'll be our jury..." and they said fine.

Didn't get a chance to rail about the injustice of our criminal defense system, or how the guy looked guilty, or how I kowtow to authority and believe everything the police say and nothing the defendant would say, etc...

It was interesting, but man - what a waste of time...at the very least at the end I wanted to deliberate with all the other jurors, but that's not the way it works, so I was "on call" at that point, but excused...

what a gyp.

[007]

I wish

Judge was peeved at the attorneys during jury selection because they kept on dismissing jurors...I was at the very end of the pool, so the judge basically railroaded us into it...we got to read the questions off the questionnaire but that was it - he basically said to the DA and public defender "If you don't have a problem with these remiaining 4 people, that'll be our jury..." and they said fine.

Didn't get a chance to rail about the injustice of our criminal defense system, or how the guy looked guilty, or how I kowtow to authority and believe everything the police say and nothing the defendant would say, etc...

It was interesting, but man - what a waste of time...at the very least at the end I wanted to deliberate with all the other jurors, but that's not the way it works, so I was "on call" at that point, but excused...

what a gyp.

But six weeks? How'd that go with your employer?

[210]

Good luck. I tried getting out of it about a month ago - told the judge and the attorneys I knew people in the CHP, San Jose cops, etc...

Didn't do any good. Still got picked. Trial lasted 6 weeks. On top of all that, I was an alternate, so I had to sit through about 6 weeks of testimony/evidence, and then I didn't even get to deliberate - the other alternate and I were excused at that point.

What a waste of time. At least it was entertaining (esp. when the defendant testified in his defense - that was high comedy )...

My mother was on a jury for a civil case that lasted 27 days...and within an hour of the jury getting the case the two parties settled.

[210]

But six weeks? How'd that go with your employer?

Don't know about California, but in Massachusetts your employer has to pay you your full wage minus the stipend the Commonwealth kicks in, which I think is (get this) $3 a day

[Blues Fan in TX]

But six weeks? How'd that go with your employer?

Well, it wasn't 5 days each week - most weeks it was only 3, so I wasn't gone the whole time...they had wireless at the courthouse, too, so I could check email during breaks and even get some work done through VPN during lunch...

My soon-to-be employer (Apple) pays for up to 12 weeks of jury service, so no worries there...my daily stipend for my service was $16.32 ($15 + $0.33/mile one way from home to the courthouse)