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I blame Slow Groove. His story of cutting too close in an area where no blade should ever go has caused this to be the emasculate Black men everywhere week.
I get home last night and the wife says she has something to show me. I play with the kids for a few minutes and she reminds me she has something I need to see. After about 45 minutes I say okay what is it.
She leads me to the back door and says look up. Outside my back door - within 12 inches of the entrance to my house - I see a left overs of a snake having shed his skin. Not on the ground - on the upper awning of the beveled porch roof.
So I know what you're thinking - what's so bad about that? A little harmless garter snake can't leave much of moulting. They can't. This was no garter snake. This was a 3 inch thick - 5 feet long - Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez fighting Anaconda look a like moulting.
I screamed like a little girl for a couple of seconds. My wife got me to go outside and take it down by using the lowest blow of all. She said - you are the one with the penis - I checked and she was barely right - I wasn't feeling manly at all.
So I crack open the back screen - slink outside - with my head in total exorcist mode the whole time and my trusty mop handle stick in my hand. As my flesh was crawling - I slowly take down the moult - while trying my best not to pass out in terror and vomit at the same time.
I get it down and lay it out for measurement - It's actually closer to 5 feet on the ground - with another foot still stuck up in the awning. I turn to go back inside and a funny thing happened. My wife has locked the door.
I think I was outside all of 1 minute. As I bang on the door - I hear from the inside - sorry didn't want the kids to bother you. Those kids who are way in the back room. You on the other hand are behind the couch.
Quite a horrible way to come home from work. My guess is its a water mocassin - driven by the high water to come and kill my ass.
Either way - I'm wearing a steel suit when I cut the grass from here on out.
Kev and Show - be on your guard - I fully expect your manhood to be challenged in some terrible way this week too.
I get home last night and the wife says she has something to show me. I play with the kids for a few minutes and she reminds me she has something I need to see. After about 45 minutes I say okay what is it.
She leads me to the back door and says look up. Outside my back door - within 12 inches of the entrance to my house - I see a left overs of a snake having shed his skin. Not on the ground - on the upper awning of the beveled porch roof.
So I know what you're thinking - what's so bad about that? A little harmless garter snake can't leave much of moulting. They can't. This was no garter snake. This was a 3 inch thick - 5 feet long - Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez fighting Anaconda look a like moulting.
I screamed like a little girl for a couple of seconds. My wife got me to go outside and take it down by using the lowest blow of all. She said - you are the one with the penis - I checked and she was barely right - I wasn't feeling manly at all.
So I crack open the back screen - slink outside - with my head in total exorcist mode the whole time and my trusty mop handle stick in my hand. As my flesh was crawling - I slowly take down the moult - while trying my best not to pass out in terror and vomit at the same time.
I get it down and lay it out for measurement - It's actually closer to 5 feet on the ground - with another foot still stuck up in the awning. I turn to go back inside and a funny thing happened. My wife has locked the door.
I think I was outside all of 1 minute. As I bang on the door - I hear from the inside - sorry didn't want the kids to bother you. Those kids who are way in the back room. You on the other hand are behind the couch.
Quite a horrible way to come home from work. My guess is its a water mocassin - driven by the high water to come and kill my ass.
Either way - I'm wearing a steel suit when I cut the grass from here on out.
Kev and Show - be on your guard - I fully expect your manhood to be challenged in some terrible way this week too.
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