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Schwa is a little bitch

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  • Schwa is a little bitch

    I blame Slow Groove. His story of cutting too close in an area where no blade should ever go has caused this to be the emasculate Black men everywhere week.

    I get home last night and the wife says she has something to show me. I play with the kids for a few minutes and she reminds me she has something I need to see. After about 45 minutes I say okay what is it.

    She leads me to the back door and says look up. Outside my back door - within 12 inches of the entrance to my house - I see a left overs of a snake having shed his skin. Not on the ground - on the upper awning of the beveled porch roof.

    So I know what you're thinking - what's so bad about that? A little harmless garter snake can't leave much of moulting. They can't. This was no garter snake. This was a 3 inch thick - 5 feet long - Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez fighting Anaconda look a like moulting.

    I screamed like a little girl for a couple of seconds. My wife got me to go outside and take it down by using the lowest blow of all. She said - you are the one with the penis - I checked and she was barely right - I wasn't feeling manly at all.

    So I crack open the back screen - slink outside - with my head in total exorcist mode the whole time and my trusty mop handle stick in my hand. As my flesh was crawling - I slowly take down the moult - while trying my best not to pass out in terror and vomit at the same time.

    I get it down and lay it out for measurement - It's actually closer to 5 feet on the ground - with another foot still stuck up in the awning. I turn to go back inside and a funny thing happened. My wife has locked the door.

    I think I was outside all of 1 minute. As I bang on the door - I hear from the inside - sorry didn't want the kids to bother you. Those kids who are way in the back room. You on the other hand are behind the couch.

    Quite a horrible way to come home from work. My guess is its a water mocassin - driven by the high water to come and kill my ass.

    Either way - I'm wearing a steel suit when I cut the grass from here on out.

    Kev and Show - be on your guard - I fully expect your manhood to be challenged in some terrible way this week too.
    Turning the other cheek is better than burying the other body.

    Official Sport Lounge Sponsor of Rhode Island - Quincy Jones - Yadier Molina who knows no fear.
    God is stronger and the problem knows it.

    2017 BOTB bracket

  • #2


    I feel your pain. I hate snakes too. That would creep me out so much I would hire a Mexican to cut my lawn.
    Official sponsor of Mike Shannon's Retirement Party

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    • #3

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Jeffro View Post
        You sir - are not helping.
        Turning the other cheek is better than burying the other body.

        Official Sport Lounge Sponsor of Rhode Island - Quincy Jones - Yadier Molina who knows no fear.
        God is stronger and the problem knows it.

        2017 BOTB bracket

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        • #5
          Wait. This is about a snake skin? Not even a real snake?

          Moon

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          • #6

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            • #7
              It was a black snake. Almost as harmless as a garter snake.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by ksbluesfan View Post
                It was a black snake. Almost as harmless as a garter snake.
                Well, yeah. He is on the east side.

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                • #9
                  good thing you weren't on a plane.
                  Sometimes elections have positive consequences!

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by cardinalgirl View Post
                    good thing you weren't on a plane.


                    Moon

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by ksbluesfan View Post
                      It was a black snake. Almost as harmless as a garter snake.
                      ++

                      They're good to have around. They eat pests.

                      -RBB

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by RedBirdBrain View Post
                        ++

                        They're good to have around. They eat pests.

                        -RBB

                        Hey Glovey, Schwa needs you at his house...stat.
                        I agree with Davhaf.....Kaiser March 9,2004

                        Official Lounge co-sponsor of Jason Motte.

                        Mick Jagger is in better shape than far too many NBA players. It's up in the air whether the same can be said of Keith Richards.

                        Bill Walton

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                        • #13
                          Yup, black snake.

                          Don't worry, they can only grow to about 8 feet long.............

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                          • #14
                            When I raised chickens, black snakes ate more eggs than I did. It was freaky to reach under a hen to get the egg only to grab a black snake. They would swallow a couple of eggs whole, then squeeze a tree until the eggs broke. Chances are, the snake was following mice into the house.

                            They're pretty easy to catch. Use a stick to hold the snake's head to the ground, then grab the snake right behind its head. If you're unlucky, the snake will bite you, but it doesn't hurt very much and isn't deadly.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by mmwtdh View Post
                              Yup, black snake.

                              Don't worry, they can only grow to about 8 feet long.............

                              Help me - please.
                              Turning the other cheek is better than burying the other body.

                              Official Sport Lounge Sponsor of Rhode Island - Quincy Jones - Yadier Molina who knows no fear.
                              God is stronger and the problem knows it.

                              2017 BOTB bracket

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