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How to become an A**HOLE! (Book)
BOOKS
Make Enemies and Alienate People
A satirical new book serves up a 10-step program on how to be, well … an asshole
By Brian Braiker | Newsweek Web Exclusive
Apr 14, 2008 | Updated: 10:35 a.m. ET Apr 14, 2008
Are you a swell guy, everyone's sunken-chested doormat? Maybe you're a pushover of a gal, a tad overeager to please at the expense of your own tepid desires? Saps of the world, rejoice: Martin Kihn has written the book just for you.
"I was the nicest guy in the world—and it was killing me," he writes in "A$$hole: How I Got Rich and Happy by Not Giving a Damn About Anyone and How You Can Too," his new mock-help masterpiece. "My life was a dictionary without the word 'no.' If you asked me for a favor—even the kind of favor that required me to go so far out of my way that I needed a map, a translator and an oxygen tank—even if I didn't know you that well, I might hesitate a second, but I'd always say yes."
Until, that is, he realized that he was competing for a promotion with a colleague he refers to as the Nemesis (a text-book a-word). Kihn resolved to "blowtorch away [his] old personality and uncover the rock-hard warrior within." Toward that end he devised a "10-step program to [anus]ism" for anyone wanting to acquaint himself with his inner über-alpha. Kihn, who has written for Spy, the New York Times Magazine and VH1's beloved "Pop-Up Video," calls his hilarious send-up of business culture "office-based satire." Think Dogbert on steroids, munching garlic bagels in public while closing deals on his Bluetooth ear thingy. Kihn recently discussed his new life as a walking, talking sphincter with NEWSWEEK's Brian Braiker. Excerpts:
NEWSWEEK: Your book seems to be a hit in the U.K., where it came out first.
Martin Kihn: It was No. 33 at one point. There's been quite a lot of press.
Well, there are a lot of them in England.
[Laughs] I can't figure it out. They really seem to get it. It's doing well in Germany, also. I think there's a slightly anti-American flavor in Europe. Maybe this is helping the situation for me: "He's an [fill in family-unfriendly word that NEWSWEEK generally avoids]; he's American. This makes sense."
In this book you hire an acting coach and a dog whisperer; you have a nemesis competing for a big client. How much is true?
I would say everything in there happened. It certainly didn't happen in that order. The biggest challenge was the acting coach. He wasn't one person; multiple people were made into one. Also, I have a thing about reimagining. It's not malicious intent, it's just that I can't remember what people say. I'm trying to make it funny, too.
But you actively went out into the world and tried to be an, uh, aggressively un-nice person?
Oh sure, absolutely. It started from a really real place where I was actually very serious in the beginning. I had a performance review and it was implied that I was too nice to ever be in charge. It sort of made me sad, to be honest. So I thought, "Why don't I try this experiment." But the original idea was that this would be a serious book: you have to be an [curse word synonymous with "unbelievable jerk" that begins with the letter A] in America, because it came out of being really bitter and enraged. And then it turned funny. I started doing it, and it became ridiculous.
What did you do out of character that you wouldn't normally have done?
It's amazing what you can do in New York and not get much of a reaction, like giving people a dollar to insult me right outside Rockefeller Center. Thinking about it ahead of time was a lot more painful than doing it. I cut in line at a hot dog stand. I threw it down and I demanded my money back. There was somebody I had offended in line. The guy wasn't saying anything, but there was a look about him that made me back down immediately. I did return things without a receipt.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/131655
Make Enemies and Alienate People
A satirical new book serves up a 10-step program on how to be, well … an asshole
By Brian Braiker | Newsweek Web Exclusive
Apr 14, 2008 | Updated: 10:35 a.m. ET Apr 14, 2008
Are you a swell guy, everyone's sunken-chested doormat? Maybe you're a pushover of a gal, a tad overeager to please at the expense of your own tepid desires? Saps of the world, rejoice: Martin Kihn has written the book just for you.
"I was the nicest guy in the world—and it was killing me," he writes in "A$$hole: How I Got Rich and Happy by Not Giving a Damn About Anyone and How You Can Too," his new mock-help masterpiece. "My life was a dictionary without the word 'no.' If you asked me for a favor—even the kind of favor that required me to go so far out of my way that I needed a map, a translator and an oxygen tank—even if I didn't know you that well, I might hesitate a second, but I'd always say yes."
Until, that is, he realized that he was competing for a promotion with a colleague he refers to as the Nemesis (a text-book a-word). Kihn resolved to "blowtorch away [his] old personality and uncover the rock-hard warrior within." Toward that end he devised a "10-step program to [anus]ism" for anyone wanting to acquaint himself with his inner über-alpha. Kihn, who has written for Spy, the New York Times Magazine and VH1's beloved "Pop-Up Video," calls his hilarious send-up of business culture "office-based satire." Think Dogbert on steroids, munching garlic bagels in public while closing deals on his Bluetooth ear thingy. Kihn recently discussed his new life as a walking, talking sphincter with NEWSWEEK's Brian Braiker. Excerpts:
NEWSWEEK: Your book seems to be a hit in the U.K., where it came out first.
Martin Kihn: It was No. 33 at one point. There's been quite a lot of press.
Well, there are a lot of them in England.
[Laughs] I can't figure it out. They really seem to get it. It's doing well in Germany, also. I think there's a slightly anti-American flavor in Europe. Maybe this is helping the situation for me: "He's an [fill in family-unfriendly word that NEWSWEEK generally avoids]; he's American. This makes sense."
In this book you hire an acting coach and a dog whisperer; you have a nemesis competing for a big client. How much is true?
I would say everything in there happened. It certainly didn't happen in that order. The biggest challenge was the acting coach. He wasn't one person; multiple people were made into one. Also, I have a thing about reimagining. It's not malicious intent, it's just that I can't remember what people say. I'm trying to make it funny, too.
But you actively went out into the world and tried to be an, uh, aggressively un-nice person?
Oh sure, absolutely. It started from a really real place where I was actually very serious in the beginning. I had a performance review and it was implied that I was too nice to ever be in charge. It sort of made me sad, to be honest. So I thought, "Why don't I try this experiment." But the original idea was that this would be a serious book: you have to be an [curse word synonymous with "unbelievable jerk" that begins with the letter A] in America, because it came out of being really bitter and enraged. And then it turned funny. I started doing it, and it became ridiculous.
What did you do out of character that you wouldn't normally have done?
It's amazing what you can do in New York and not get much of a reaction, like giving people a dollar to insult me right outside Rockefeller Center. Thinking about it ahead of time was a lot more painful than doing it. I cut in line at a hot dog stand. I threw it down and I demanded my money back. There was somebody I had offended in line. The guy wasn't saying anything, but there was a look about him that made me back down immediately. I did return things without a receipt.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/131655
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