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  • Tried to amend my carnivorous habits...

    Tried to amend my carnivorous habits.
    Made it nearly seventy days,
    Losin' weight without speed, eatin' sunflower seeds,
    Drinkin' lots of carrot juice and soakin' up rays.

    But at night I'd have these wonderful dreams
    Some kind of sensuous treat.
    Not zucchini, fettuccini, or bulgur wheat,
    But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat.

    Cheeseburger is paradise.
    Heaven on earth with an onion slice.
    Not too particular, not too precise.
    I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise.

    I like mine with lettuce and tomato,
    Heinz Fifty-seven and French fried potatoes.
    Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer.
    Well, good God Almighty, which way do I steer
    For my cheeseburger in paradise.

    Heard about the old time sailor men,
    They eat the same thing again and again;
    Warm beer and bread they say could raise the dead.
    Well, it reminds me of the menu at a Holiday Inn.

    But times have changed for sailors these days.
    When I'm in port I get what I need;
    Not just Havanas or banana or daiquiris,
    But that American creation on which I feed!

    Cheeseburger is paradise medium rare with mustard'd be nice
    Not too particular, not too precise
    I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise.

    I like mine with lettuce and tomato
    Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes
    Big kosher pickle and a cold draught beer
    Well, good god Almighty which way do I steer

    For a cheeseburger in paradise
    Makin' the best of every virtue and vice.
    Worth every damn bit of sacrifice
    To get a cheeseburger in paradise;
    To be a cheeseburger in paradise.
    I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise.

    "Can't buy what I want because it's free...
    Can't buy what I want because it's free..."
    -- Pearl Jam, from the single Corduroy

  • #2
    This could be my most favoritest thread evar!!!


    For all those who dont feel as old as they are and never will
    I rounded first never thought of the worst
    As I studied the shortstops position
    Crack went my leg like the shell of an egg
    Someone call a decent physician
    Im no pete rose, I cant pretend
    Though my mind is quite flexible, these brittle bones dont bend

    Chorus:
    Im growing older but not up
    My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
    Let those winds of time blow over my head
    Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead

    Sometimes I see me as old manatee
    Headin south as the waters grow colder
    Tries to steer clear of the hum-drum so near
    It cuts prop scars deep in his shoulder
    But thats how it goes (thats how it goes), right to the end
    Though his bodys quite flexible, that barnacle brain dont bend

    Chorus:
    Im growing older but not up
    My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
    Let those winds of time blow over my head
    Id rather die while Im livin than live while Im dead

    (instrumental)

    Now dont get me wrong
    This is not a sad song
    Just events that I have happened to witness
    And time takes its toll as we head for the poll
    And no one dies from physical fitness
    So what the hell, well take it right to the end
    As the days grow more complicated the nightlife still wins

    Chorus:
    Im growing older but not up
    My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
    Let those winds of change blow over my head
    Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead
    Let those winds of time blow over my head
    Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead
    Former Sponsor of Kyle "The Comeback Kid" Lohse.

    And Current (and former) Lounge Sponsor of Yadier "No-Glove til I get a Gold Glove" Molina and one BAMF

    Sponsoring Friends and Proud Co-Sponsor of Captain Morgan

    Comment


    • #3
      I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here
      Your voice sounds so wonderful
      But your face don't look too clear
      So, Barmaid, bring a pitcher, another round of brew
      Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw.
      (Chorus)
      Why don't we get drunk and screw
      I just bought a waterbed filled up for me and you
      They say you are a snuff queen, Honey, I don't think that's true
      So, why don't we get drunk and screw.
      Foram sponsor of:
      Joe Crede, Retired
      #13 Matt Carpenter - 2012 ROY
      and all folks #7

      Comment


      • #4
        Another good one...


        I took off for a weekend last month
        Just to try and recall the whole year
        All of the faces and all of the places
        Wonderin' where they all disappeared
        I didn't ponder the question too long
        I was hungry and went out for a bite
        Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum
        And we wound up drinkin all night
        Chorus:
        It's these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
        Nothing remains quite the same
        With all of our running and all of our cunning
        If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane
        Reading departure signs in some big airport
        Reminds me of the places I've been
        Visions of good times that brought so much pleasure
        Makes me want to go back again
        If it suddenly ended tomorrow
        I could somehow adjust to the fall
        Good times and riches and son of a bitches
        I've seen more than I can recall
        Chorus:
        These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
        Nothing remains quite the same
        Through all of the islands and all of the highlands
        If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane
        I think about Paris when I'm high on red wine
        I wish I could jump on a plane
        So many nights I just dream of the ocean
        God I wish I was sailin' again
        Oh, yesterday's over my shoulder
        So I can't look back for too long
        There's just too much to see waiting in front of me
        And I know that I just can't go wrong Chorus:
        With these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
        Nothing remains quite the same
        With all of my running and all of my cunning
        If I couldn't laugh I just would go insane
        If we couldn't laugh we just would go insane
        If we weren't all crazy we would go insane


        Now, I need a drink...A fruity one with an umbrella and mucho rum.
        Former Sponsor of Kyle "The Comeback Kid" Lohse.

        And Current (and former) Lounge Sponsor of Yadier "No-Glove til I get a Gold Glove" Molina and one BAMF

        Sponsoring Friends and Proud Co-Sponsor of Captain Morgan

        Comment


        • #5
          my fav JB tune...

          I've been lucky enough to have seen it done live twice.



          Now young Mr. Moon flew away in the night
          With his best friend Magnus right by his side
          They soared through the Milky Way counting the stars
          Once around Venus, twice around Mars
          Then they spied an island rise out of the sea
          They fell back to Earth just as free as you please
          The children all gathered the church bells did ring
          Suddenly everyone started to sing
          Chorus
          Chanson pour les petits enfants
          Chason pour toute le monde
          Chanson pour les petits enfants
          Chanson pour toute le monde
          Queen of the island she welcomed them in
          Asked them questions of where they have been
          She offered them chocolate she offered them tea
          They all took their seats in the top of a tree
          And racoons brought wine and the mice they brought cheese
          Beautiful birds floated by on the breeze
          From out of the oceans the dolphins began
          Humming a tune that soon covered the land
          Chorus
          So young Princess Lia brought coral and pearls
          Gifts to the travelers from some other world
          The Bushdoctor mixed up a magical spell
          Swore them to secrecy, never to tell
          So young Mr. Moon flew away in the night
          With his best friend Magnus right by his side
          The sun was rising, they'd be home by noon
          Humming the words to this magical tune
          Chorus
          Song for the children
          Song for the world
          Foram sponsor of:
          Joe Crede, Retired
          #13 Matt Carpenter - 2012 ROY
          and all folks #7

          Comment


          • #6
            I like this one!


            Ramadan is over
            The new moon’s shown her face
            I’m halfway round the planet
            In a most unlikely place
            Following my song line
            Past bamboo shacks and shops
            Behind a jitney packed like sardines
            With bananas piled on top

            I ran away from politics
            It’s too bizarre at home
            Away I flew, tuned into Blue
            “Maybe Amsterdam or Rome”
            Awakened by a stewardess
            With Spain somewhere below
            On the threshold of adventure
            God I do love this job so

            So while I make my move
            On the big board game
            Up and down a Spanish highway
            Some things remain the same
            Girls meet boys
            and the boys tease girls
            I’m heading out this morning
            For the Far Side of the World

            Oh I believe in song lines
            Obvious and not
            I’d ridden them like camels
            To some most peculiar spots
            They run across the oceans
            Through mountains and saloons
            And tonight out to the dessert
            Where I sit atop this dune

            I was destined for this vantage point
            Which is so far from the Sea
            I’ve lived it in the pages of Saint-Exupery
            From Paris to Tunisia
            Casablanca to Dakar
            I was riding long before I flew
            Through the wind and sand and stars

            Caravan
            Ride that hump
            And Timbuktu’s a jillion bumps
            Sleeping bags and battle flags
            Are coiled and furled
            That’s the way you travel
            To the far side of the world!

            A Sunset framed by lightening bolts
            Burns a lasting memory
            And a string of tiny twinkling lights
            adorn the sausage tree
            While the embers from the log fire
            Flicker, fly, and twirl
            Then drift off toward the cosmos
            From the Far Side of the World

            Well it’s Christmas and my birthday
            and so to that extent
            The Masai not the wise men
            Are circling my tent
            I teach them how to play guitar
            They show me how to dance
            We have rum from the Caribbean
            And Burgundy from France

            New Year’s Eve in Zanzibar
            With Babu and his boys
            High up on the rooftop
            You can relish all the noise
            They are dancing on the tables
            People bouncing like gazelles
            Two 0-0-1 is ushered in
            With air raid horns and bells

            Time to sing time to dance
            Living out my second chance
            Cobras and sleeping bags are coiled and curled
            That’s the way it happens
            On the Far Side of the World

            Back at home, it’s afternoon
            Six thousand miles away
            I will still be there when I get through
            Attending this soiree
            There are jobs and chores and questions
            And plates I need to twirl
            But tonight I’ll take my chances
            On the Far Side of the World
            That’s the way it happens
            On the Far Side of the World

            Official Sponsor of Marco Gonzales and the Productive Out!!!


            Said the Quangle Wangle Quee

            Comment


            • #7
              The rumors and the stories of my past I can't deny
              I'm no Saint Ignatius but again I'm no barfly
              The wrong thing is the right thing until you lose control
              I've got this bank of bad habits in a corner of my soul

              Bank of bad habits
              The price of vice fortold
              One by one they'll do you in
              They're bound to take their toll
              The wrong thing is the right thing until you lose control
              I've got this bank of bad habits in a corner of my soul

              Last night I said goodbye to a dear old friend of mine
              Just a throw back shell beach party, nothin' really asinine
              Rum and cooked animals and bullshit by the ton
              That party lasted way too long and I had too much fun

              Bank of bad habits
              The price of vice fortold
              One by one they'll do you in
              They're bound to take their toll
              The wrong thing is the right thing until you lose control
              I've got this bank of bad habits in a corner of my soul
              That bank of bad habits is worth its weight in gold

              Time for you to spend that dough
              You're the only one you owe
              So put away those alibis
              You can't fool that Banker in the sky

              (Spoken)
              Now let me tell you about the 7 Deadly Sins:
              1. Pride...Thou shalt not have pride in thy neighbor.
              2. Coveting...Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.
              3. Lust...Thou shalt not lust after his neighbor's wife.
              4. Anger...Do not be angry with your neighbor's wife.
              5. Gluttony...Do not eat thy neighbor's wife's ........popcorn.
              6. Envy...Do not envy your neighbor's wife.
              7. Sloth...Do not be a slob.
              And the eighth deadly sin is............PIZZA!

              A picture's worth a thousand words just ask a cameraman
              And it's no sin to stop and look, I do it when I can
              But you have to purge that urge to merge
              You have to keep your head
              Or trouble is what you will find inside some stranger's bed

              Bank of bad habits
              The price of vice foretold
              One by one they'll do you in
              They're bound to take their toll
              The wrong thing is the right thing until you lose control
              I've got this bank of bad habits
              It's worth it's weight in gold

              (Spoken)
              Yeah, we're talkin' Krugerands......dubloons
              I was wonderin', um, do you think they have an ATM machine for bad habits?
              Hmm.
              I think I'll apply for that card.
              Official sponsor of: Pepsi Zero Sugar and Jordan Almonds.

              Comment


              • #8
                Oh I took a wrong turn, it was the right turn
                My turn to have me a ball
                Boys at the shop told me just where to stop
                If I wanted to play for it all
                I didn't know I'd find her on daytime TV
                My whole world lies waiting behind door number three

                I chose my apparel, I wore a beer barrel
                And they rolled me to the very first row
                I held a big sign that said, ";Kiss me I'm a baker
                And Monty I sure need the dough";
                Then I grabbed that sucker by the throat until he called on me
                'Cause my whole world lies waiting behind door number three

                And I don't want what Jay's got on his table
                Or the box Carol Merrill points to on the floor
                No I'll hold out just as long as I am able
                Or until I can unlock that lucky door
                Well, she's no big deal to most folk
                But she's everything to me
                'Cause my whole world lies waiting behind door number three

                Oh Monty, Monty, Monty, I am walkin' down your hall
                Got beat, lost my seat, but I'm not a man to crawl
                Though I didn't get rich, you son of a bitch
                I'll be back just wait and see
                'Cause my whole world lies waiting behind door number three
                Yes my whole world lies waiting behind door number three

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by _#7 View Post
                  I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here
                  Your voice sounds so wonderful
                  But your face don't look too clear
                  So, Barmaid, bring a pitcher, another round of brew
                  Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw.
                  (Chorus)
                  Why don't we get drunk and screw
                  I just bought a waterbed filled up for me and you
                  They say you are a snuff queen, Honey, I don't think that's true
                  So, why don't we get drunk and screw.
                  I apologize. But you inspired me to waste 20 minutes of my life searching for something---so I am going to post it, whether it is relevant or not.

                  Burt Reynolds was the vocalist in smokey and the bandit. One week in the early 80's, it was number 88 on the hot 100.

                  Though your hair is all in tangles
                  And your makeup is a mess
                  Most of what you're drinking
                  Is spilling down your dress

                  And to keep from falling off
                  Your barstool's 'bout
                  All that you can do
                  I'll make my proposition
                  'Cause I'm just as drunk as you

                  [CHORUS]
                  Let's do something cheap and superficial
                  Let's do something that we might regret
                  Let's do something shabby and insensitive
                  This might be the only chance we get

                  You got lipstick showing on your teeth
                  And a run down your hose
                  Where you got that cheap perfume
                  God only knows

                  Now I'll be glad to have you home
                  Long before daylight



                  The sun is your worst enemy
                  Thank God it's dark tonight

                  [repeat CHORUS]

                  This might be the only chance we get
                  v


                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Taking the thread back on track...

                    For Nsane:

                    As the son of a son of a sailor
                    I went out on the sea for adventure
                    Expanding the view of the captain and crew
                    Like a man just released from indenture

                    As a dreamer of dreams and a travelin man
                    I have chalked up many a mile
                    Read dozens of books about heroes and crooks
                    And I learned much from both of their styles

                    Chorus:
                    Son of a son, son of a son
                    Son of a son of a sailor
                    Son of a gun, load the last ton
                    One step ahead of the jailer

                    Now away in the near future
                    Southeast of disorder
                    You can shake the hand of the mango man
                    As he greats you at the border

                    And the lady she hails from trinidad
                    Island of the spices
                    Salt for your meat, and cinnamon sweet
                    And the rum is for all your good vices

                    Haul the sheet in as we ride on the wind
                    That our forefathers harnessed before us
                    Hear the bells ring as the tight rigging sings
                    Its a son of a gun of a chorus

                    Where it all ends I cant fathom my friends
                    If I knew I might toss out my anchor
                    So I cruise along always searchin for songs
                    Not a lawyer a thief or a banker

                    But a son of a son, son of a son
                    Son of a son of a sailor
                    Son of a gun, load the last ton
                    One step ahead of the jailer

                    Im just a son of a son, son of a son
                    Son of a son of a sailor
                    The seas in my veins, my tradition remains
                    Im just glad I dont live in a trailer
                    Former Sponsor of Kyle "The Comeback Kid" Lohse.

                    And Current (and former) Lounge Sponsor of Yadier "No-Glove til I get a Gold Glove" Molina and one BAMF

                    Sponsoring Friends and Proud Co-Sponsor of Captain Morgan

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Tuesday on the island
                      Not much goin' on
                      The parties are all over
                      They ended just past dawn
                      But the jungle drums are beating
                      With the tales from late last night
                      Cause the stories bear repeating
                      For everyone's delight
                      Chorus
                      You can hear it on the coconut telegraph
                      Can't keep nothin' under their hat
                      You can hear 'em on the coconut telegraph
                      Sayin' who did dis and dat
                      Dis and dat dis and dat
                      Now I'm not one to deal in gossip
                      But was he that big of fool?
                      To do a belly buster high dive
                      And miss the entire pool?
                      Now what's the word on sweet Melissa?
                      And the kid nobody knew
                      Did Ricardo ever find her?
                      I swear it's just between me and you
                      Chorus
                      You can hear it on the coconut telegraph
                      By now everybody knows
                      You can hear it on the coconut telegraph
                      Just who comes and goes
                      Comes and goes comes and goes
                      It's humpday on the island
                      And the lines have all gone dead
                      All the juicy news is history
                      I guess everything's been said
                      But when the eagle flies on Friday
                      And the boys break out the rum
                      Then the joint begins to jumpin'
                      And you'll hear those hot lines hum
                      Chorus
                      Put it on the coconut telegraph
                      All the celebration and the stress
                      Put it on the coconut telegraph
                      In twenty-five words or less


                      If we weren't all crazy we would go insane

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Not a 'fun' song, but still one of my favorites:

                        The skies over Cuba turned pink with the light
                        And the waterfront ritual began to ignite
                        All the ships in the harbor were warmed by the sun
                        Twenty-fifth of November, 1921

                        On the old Chicamauga the Signal Jacks flew
                        And the message they spelled out caused a great bally hoo
                        Every ship in Havana then hoisted away
                        All the pennants were 'a flyin' on my dad's first birthday

                        Enduring echoes call out from his past
                        Time ain't for savin' no time's not for that
                        Chasing false echoes like a lost legionnaire
                        He waltzes on memories while he fades like a flare

                        Now his storybook childhood was not make believe
                        On the decks of a tall ship he was taught to achieve
                        Witnessed storms and starvation natural wonders and force
                        Oh the life of a sailor steers a wanderin' course

                        Enduring echoes call out from his past
                        Time ain't for savin' no time's not for that
                        Chasing false echoes like a lost legionnaire
                        He waltzes on memories while he fades like a flare

                        Well now life throws us curve balls we never can reach
                        He gave up the ocean but he lived by the beach
                        Where he raised up his family taught us all to survive
                        Then the wind went away in 1995

                        [whistle/violin break]

                        Now the old Chicamauga has slipped by the ways
                        She lies on the bottom of old Mobile Bay
                        Where the ghosts of his father and his brother are near
                        They protect him and tell him there's nothin' to fear
                        Cause it's family tradition we take to the sea
                        And it's a time in the future for Cameron and me

                        Enduring echoes call out from his past
                        Time ain't for saving no time's not for that
                        Chasing false echoes like a lost legionnaire
                        He waltzes on memories while he fades like a flare

                        The skies over Cuba were warmed by the sun
                        Twenty-fifth of November 1921
                        Official sponsor of: Pepsi Zero Sugar and Jordan Almonds.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Its time!!!





                          Boat drinks. Boys in the band ordered boat drinks.
                          Visitors just scored on the home rink.
                          Everything seems to be wrong.
                          Lately, newspaper mentioned cheap airfare.
                          I've got to fly to Saint Somewhere.
                          I'm close to bodily harm.
                          Chorus
                          Twenty degress and the hockey games on.
                          Nobody cares; they are way too far gone,
                          screamin' "Boat drinks," somethin'
                          to keep them all warm.
                          This morning I shot six holes in my freezer.
                          I think I got cabin fever.
                          Somebody sound the alarm.
                          I'd like to go where the pace or life's slow.
                          Could you beam me somewhere, Mister Scott?
                          Any old place here on Earth or in space.
                          You pick the century and I'll pick the spot.
                          I know I should be leaving this climate.
                          I got a verse but can't rhyme it.
                          I gotta go where it's warm.
                          Boat drinks.
                          Waitress, I need two more boat drinks.
                          Then I'm headin south 'fore my dream shrinks.
                          I gotta where it's warm.
                          I gotta go where it's warm.
                          I gotta go where it's warm.
                          I gotta go where there ain't any snow,
                          where there ain't any blow,
                          'cause my fin sinks so low.
                          I gotta go where it's warm.

                          Foram sponsor of:
                          Joe Crede, Retired
                          #13 Matt Carpenter - 2012 ROY
                          and all folks #7

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            She came down from Cincinnati.
                            It took her three days on the train.
                            Lookin' for some peace and quiet;
                            hoped to see the sun again.
                            But now she lives down by the ocean.
                            She's takin' care to look for sharks.
                            They hang out in the local bars,
                            And they feed right after dark.

                            Chorus
                            Can't you feel 'em circlin' (closin'in) honey?
                            Can't you feel 'em swimmin' around?
                            You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
                            and you're the only bait in town.
                            You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
                            and you're the only girl in town.

                            She's savin' up all of her money.
                            Wants to head south in May;
                            Maybe roll in the sand with a rock'n'roll man,
                            Somewhere down Montserrat way.
                            But the money's good in the season;
                            Helps to lighten her load.
                            Boys keep her high as the months go by.
                            She's gettin' postcards from the road.

                            Chorus
                            Can't you feel 'em circlin' (closin'in) honey?
                            Can't you feel 'em swimmin' around?
                            You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
                            and you're the only bait in town.
                            You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
                            and you're the only girl in town.

                            Sailed off to Antigua.
                            It took her three days on a boat.
                            Lookin' for some peace and quiet;
                            Maybe keep her dreams afloat.
                            But now she feels like a remora,
                            'cause the school's still close at hand.
                            Just behind the reef are the big white teeth
                            of the sharks that can swim on the land.

                            Chorus
                            Can't you feel 'em circlin' (closin'in) honey?
                            Can't you feel 'em swimmin' around?
                            You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
                            and you're the only bait in town.
                            You got fins to the left, fins to the right,
                            and you're the only girl in town.


                            If we weren't all crazy we would go insane

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Now, I don’t know, I don’t know where I’m a gonna go
                              when the volcano blow
                              Let me say it now
                              I don’t know, I don’t know where I’m a gonna go
                              when the volcano blow

                              Ground, she movin’ under me
                              Tidal waves out on the sea
                              Sulfur smoke up in the sky
                              Pretty soon we learn to fly

                              Chorus
                              I don’t know, I don’t know where I’m a gonna go
                              when the volcano blow
                              Let me hear you now
                              I don’t know, I don’t know where I’m a gonna go
                              when the volcano blow

                              My girl quickly say to me
                              "Mon you better watch your feet"
                              Lava come down soft and hot
                              "You better lava me now or lava me not

                              Chorus

                              No time to count what I’m worth
                              cause I just left the planet Earth
                              Where I go I hope there’s rum
                              Not to worry mon soon come

                              Chorus

                              But I don’t want to land in New York City
                              I don’t want to land in Mexico
                              I don’t want to land on no Three Mile Island
                              I don’t want to see my skin a-glow

                              Don’t want to land in Comanche Sky Park
                              or in Nashville, Tennessee
                              I don’t want to land in no San Juan airport or
                              the Yukon Territory

                              Don’t want to land no San Diego
                              Don’t want to land in no Buzzards Bay
                              I don’t want to land on no Ayatollah
                              I got nothin’ more to say

                              Chorus
                              Feb. 08, 2005
                              Lois Lane: What's the general opinion of a gal asking the guy out?

                              Forever
                              Lounge sponsor of YYZ and his Mardi Gras crew.
                              Originally posted by Airshark
                              NSane has already won - because the Sharks are well and truly ef'ed.

                              Comment

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