The Season So Far

[kennyboyerfan]

Today the Cardinals reached that all-important 10-game milestone. With Rick Hummel, Stan Papi and Sydney Dave as my inspiration, I've reviewed the statistics and produced the following analysis:
 
Left Field
Ray Lankford...HURT, HASN'T SUCKED YET
So Taguchi...SUCKS
 
Center Field
Jim Edmonds....OK
 
Right Field
Reggie Sanders....SUCKS
 
Shortstop
Hector Luna.....SUCKS
Edgar Renteria....GREAT
 
2nd Base
Marlon Anderson...SUCKS
Bo Hart....SUCKS
Tony Womack....HASN'T STARTED SUCKING
 
3rd Base
Scott Rolen....OK
 
1st Base
Albert Pujols...GREAT
 
Pitcher
Chris Carpenter....SUCKS
Cal Eldred....SUCKS
Jason Isringhausen....SUCKS
Ray King....SUCKS
Steve Kline....SUCKS
Mike Lincoln....SUCKS
Jason Marquis....SUCKS
Matt Morris....SUCKS
Jason Simontacchi....SUCKS
Jeff Suppan....SUCKS
Julian Tavarez....SUCKS
Woody Williams...A WARRIOR, BUT SUCKS
Cody McKay...GREAT


Catcher
Mike Matheny....WILL SUCK SOON
Cody McKay....SUCKS

See you after Game No. 20

[ElviswasaBluesFan]

I'd change the Rolen rating to great. Other than that I agree with everything else.

TLR - SUCKS

[Reggie Cleveland]

What about TLR and DD, you fat freakin' queer?

You SUCK.

[kennyboyerfan]

Originally posted by Reggie Cleveland@Apr 14 2004, 03:05 PM
What about TLR and DD, you fat freakin' queer?

You SUCK.

Too soon to tell.

And I'm down on Rolen. Many times when he comes up to bat, I want him to hit a home run, and he usually doesn't. Unforgiveable.

[kennyboyerfan]

Originally posted by Reggie Cleveland@Apr 14 2004, 03:05 PM
What about TLR and DD, you fat freakin' queer?

You SUCK.

And where do you get off calling me freakin'?

[kaiser]

Interesting sabermetric analysis. I hadn't thought of looking at it quite that way before.

For instance, to the naked eye, Simontacci sucks. However, by utilizing this analysis, one clearly sees that he SUCKS. The contrast is indeed striking.

[kennyboyerfan]

Originally posted by kaiser@Apr 14 2004, 03:08 PM
Interesting sabermetric analysis. I hadn't thought of looking at it quite that way before.

For instance, to the naked eye, Simontacci sucks. However, by utilizing this analysis, one clearly sees that he SUCKS. The contrast is indeed striking.

I've often thought that newspapers should do movie reviews this way, either GREAT or SUCKS. Get rid of all the small talk.