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  • Owens is gonna really be pi**ed now...

    Eagles Hold Ticker-Tape Parade To Celebrate Reggie Brown’s First Touchdown Catch

    PHILADELPHIA--The Philadelphia Eagles threw a citywide ticker-tape parade on Monday to honor receiver Reggie Brown’s first touchdown catch, which he made during Sunday night’s game against the Redskins. Team owner Jeffrey Lurie, GM Joe Banner, and head coach Andy Reid presented Brown with a special plaque commemorating the event, and named Monday “Reggie Brown Day.”

    “Reggie, this is a special day for you, a special day for the Eagles, and a special day for the city of Philadelphia,” Banner said before a crowd of approximately 1.2 million. “Your first touchdown catch was a moment that will live forever in the hearts of Eagles fans. It was a proud day for the whole organization. We love you, Reggie--unlike some other receivers on this team, who shall go nameless.”

    Andy Reid was the next one up to the podium. He praised Brown for his work ethic and athleticism

    “Reggie, every day you come to practice and work hard,” he began. “Your skill and talent never cease to amaze me. When I saw you make your first touchdown catch, all I could do was take off my headset and jump for joy. Only an athlete of your caliber could have accomplished something so special. That’s why I am presenting you with this plaque, on behalf of the entire organization, to commemorate your special day. I only wish a certain someone was here to witness this, just to see the look on his stupid face.”

    The parade came as a surprise to many, as the Eagles have a policy against recognizing individual accomplishments. Nobody was more surprised than Brown, who said he couldn’t have done it without his teammates and coaches.

    “I’d like to thank my teammates and coaches for supporting me throughout the year,” Brown told the crowd. “When I caught that pass on Sunday I was pretty excited, but I didn’t expect something like this. I guess it just goes to show how much class and integrity this organization has. And the fans are amazing, too. I can’t believe how many of you showed up here. Philadelphia, this parade if for you! Just kidding. It’s for me. You’re all just props.”

    Afterward, an emotional Brown thanked the Eagles front office for “one of the proudest days of my life.”

    “It’s just real special when your team shows you that kind of respect,” he told reporters. “You catch a touchdown pass—even your first one—and you don’t expect a ticker tape parade, especially since the team has an official policy against recognizing individual accomplishment. I’ll say one thing, though: If they celebrate like this for my first touchdown, I can’t even imagine what’s it’s gonna be like when I score my 100th touchdown.”

    The front office was quick to point out that Monday’s parade was the exception and not the norm. They also denied changing their policy.

    “We still have the same policy,” said Joe Banner. “It’s just that once in a while something happens that you have to stop and pay tribute to. Reggie’s catch was a wonderful moment for the city of Philadelphia, and it’s always nice when one of our own gets into the record books. And you know what? What the hell, since it was such a great catch, I’m going to guarantee the rest of his contract. That’s right, he’s going to get every penny of it, no matter what happens. I’m just in a good mood today.”

    The ceremony raised more than a few eyebrows around the league, with many wondering why the Eagles went so far to celebrate a relatively minor statistical milestone. One NFC scout had his own theory:

    “Obviously they’re doing this to piss of Terrell Owens,” said the scout, speaking anonymously. “Look at what’s happened the past few days. Owens gets suspended, Westbrook gets a contract extension, Akers gets a contract extension, and now this. It’s too much of a coincidence. They’re just trying to rub T.O.’s nose in it. I wouldn’t be surprised if they send him a videotape of the proceedings with a big middle finger taped to the front of it. That’s what I did to my ex-wife after I cheated on her. You should've seen the look on her face when she saw that tape. OK, well, you had to be there. ”
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