Antonio Alfonseca Once Again Leads Major-League Relievers In Fingers

[steveInebriated]

From America's funniest news source:

Antonio Alfonseca Once Again Leads Major-League Relievers In Fingers
October 6, 2005

MIAMI—Florida Marlins pitcher Antonio Alfonseca dominated the MLB in appendages for the ninth straight year, finishing the 2005 season with a league-leading 12 fingers. Alfonseca, who made his debut with the Marlins in 1997 and wasted no time making this particular statistical category his own, led the NL for almost the entire season, only falling into a close second during an unusual two-week period in mid-August. Alfonseca's performance will trigger a $1 million bonus, as the Marlins signed him to an incentive-laden, oft-criticized, finger-enumeration-based contract. "Antonio has been through a lot this season, including some elbow problems and a trip to the DL," manager Jack McKeon said. "But in the end, he just went out there and had a lot of fingers." There was once again a tie for second place behind Alfonseca, with 214 pitchers amassing 10 fingers each, followed by Bob Wickman, who finished last with 9.7.

[Tazlaz]

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/roll2.gif[/img]

[Stan_Papi]

He also was able to count on one hand the numbers of runs that the Cards scored in the 9th inning of that game in '02 when Edgar homered off Alfonseca to win it...

[TTB]

I have a programmer working for me right now that has an extra finger on one hand.

He is a very good programmer...but I'm not sure if the extra finger helps or not.

But, if he could somehow make the major leagues...he would be 2nd in at least on category.

[kconn]

QUOTE(Stan_Papi @ Oct 10 2005, 02:01 PM) Quoted post

He also was able to count on one hand the numbers of runs that the Cards scored in the 9th inning of that game in '02 when Edgar homered off Alfonseca to win it...
[/b][/quote]

Wow. I can't believe the Onion didn't work an "I can count on one hand..." quote into their story. Major missed opportunity.

[steveInebriated]

Lance Armstrong's Endurance Tested By Sheryl Crow Concert
September 29, 2005 | Issue 41•39

DALLAS—Seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong found his endurance stretched "almost to the breaking point" last Friday by a three-hour, 30-song concert presented by his fiancée, pop-folk singer Sheryl Crow. "It was a pretty tough slog," Armstrong told reporters after the event, which he was obligated to attend as part of his new role as Crow's future husband. "I was really straining around ‘The First Cut Is The Deepest'—I don't mind telling you, I just couldn't catch my breath. When we reached 'All I Wanna Do (Is Have Some Fun),' I felt like I'd been through that territory about a million times, and I seriously considered just giving up and collapsing for the first time in my career." Armstrong, who is revered by millions for fighting through cancer, antagonism from abusive fans, and steroid-abuse allegations, would not comment on whether this latest obstacle would prove too much for him to overcome.

[BringBackZezel]

Dying Boy Brought In To Cheer Up Kansas City Royals

QUOTE

September 29, 2005 | Issue 41•39

KANSAS CITY—Desperate to give their last-place, 100-loss team something to smile about, the Royals arranged to have a terminally ill little boy pay a visit to their clubhouse Tuesday. Danny Gladstone, 8, a leukemia sufferer who is expected to live just long enough to see the Royals make a run at setting a franchise record for losses, arrived at Kauffman Stadium at 11 a.m., and was immediately swarmed by players excited to see someone else who wouldn't be around in October. "I can't even explain how uplifting it is to see somebody who soon won't have to put up with the pain and misery anymore," Royals first baseman and team captain Mike Sweeney said. "Even though we have to endure the same terrible fate again come April, Danny, unlike the Royals organization, will be in a far better place." Sweeney concluded the meeting by promising the boy he would ground into a double play for him during that night's game.
[/b][/quote]

[ElviswasaBluesFan]

I wanna see a pic of Alfonseca's hands

[BringBackZezel]

QUOTE(ElviswasaBluesFan @ Oct 10 2005, 01:10 PM) Quoted post

I wanna see a pic of Alfonseca's hands
[/b][/quote]

[ElviswasaBluesFan]

QUOTE(BringBackZezel @ Oct 10 2005, 01:12 PM) Quoted post

QUOTE(ElviswasaBluesFan @ Oct 10 2005, 01:10 PM) Quoted post

I wanna see a pic of Alfonseca's hands
[/b][/quote]

[/b][/quote]

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif[/img]

That is freaky

Official sponsor of Mike Shannon's Retirement Party

[El Establishment 1]

Joe Namath Guarantees He'll Lose Battle With Alcoholism
September 21, 2005 | Issue 41•37

NEW YORK—Swaggering Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath, famous for his flamboyant lifestyle and his historic promise of victory in Super Bowl III, guaranteed Monday that he would not be victorious in his current battle with alcoholism. "The bottle's gonna win this one—I guarantee it," said Namath to a crowd of cheering New York faithful in an impromptu statement at Manhattan's Jockey Club. "I swear this to my fans and the great city of New York—Joe Namath's going to continue the kind of tipsy, drunken lifestyle you guys have come to know and love." Namath went on to make other guarantees during the night, but none of them were intelligible as of press time.

[BringBackZezel]

QUOTE(El Birdo 1 @ Oct 10 2005, 01:14 PM) Quoted post

Joe Namath Guarantees He'll Lose Battle With Alcoholism
September 21, 2005 | Issue 41•37

NEW YORK—Swaggering Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath, famous for his flamboyant lifestyle and his historic promise of victory in Super Bowl III, guaranteed Monday that he would not be victorious in his current battle with alcoholism. "The bottle's gonna win this one—I guarantee it," said Namath to a crowd of cheering New York faithful in an impromptu statement at Manhattan's Jockey Club. "I swear this to my fans and the great city of New York—Joe Namath's going to continue the kind of tipsy, drunken lifestyle you guys have come to know and love." Namath went on to make other guarantees during the night, but none of them were intelligible as of press time.
[/b][/quote]

That's awful.....ly funny!!!!1

[Moon Man]

Moon

[007]

QUOTE(BringBackZezel @ Oct 10 2005, 01:07 PM) Quoted post

Dying Boy Brought In To Cheer Up Kansas City Royals

QUOTE

September 29, 2005 | Issue 41•39

KANSAS CITY—Desperate to give their last-place, 100-loss team something to smile about, the Royals arranged to have a terminally ill little boy pay a visit to their clubhouse Tuesday. Danny Gladstone, 8, a leukemia sufferer who is expected to live just long enough to see the Royals make a run at setting a franchise record for losses, arrived at Kauffman Stadium at 11 a.m., and was immediately swarmed by players excited to see someone else who wouldn't be around in October. "I can't even explain how uplifting it is to see somebody who soon won't have to put up with the pain and misery anymore," Royals first baseman and team captain Mike Sweeney said. "Even though we have to endure the same terrible fate again come April, Danny, unlike the Royals organization, will be in a far better place." Sweeney concluded the meeting by promising the boy he would ground into a double play for him during that night's game.
[/b][/quote]
[/b][/quote]IN!

"Can't buy what I want because it's free...
Can't buy what I want because it's free..."

-- Pearl Jam, from the single Corduroy

[i.am.js]

Wickman is missing part of a finger?