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Bill Mahr slams President Bush in closing monologue

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  • Bill Mahr slams President Bush in closing monologue

    "Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's

    no more money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start

    another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck,

    the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping

    poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit

    cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished.


    Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest

    and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil

    company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try

    the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what

    you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President

    could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a

    lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales

    tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And

    Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.


    But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you

    govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm

    surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a

    catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty

    president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water

    and snakes.


    "On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus,

    four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the

    City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you

    don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could

    be if you were on the other side.


    So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: 'Take a

    hint.' "
    "Let me lay it right on the line. Bigotry and racism are among the deadliest social ills plaguing the world today. The only way to destroy them is to expose them. If man is ever to be worthy of his destiny, we must fill our hearts with tolerance.- Stan Lee (circa 1968)

    "Compete less with the person in front of you than the person inside of you." - Anonymous

  • #2
    "Yeah, well what's Bill Maher's plan? It's easy to criticize the president without offering solutions."

    It was even funnier during the show. Maher is an equal opportunity critic, and he's calling it exactly how he and a whole bunch of us see it.

    Start lobbing "liberal" around now, my GOP lackeys. It always works in a pinch.
    His mind is not for rent, to any god or government.
    Pointless debate is what we do here -- lvr

    Comment


    • #3
      QUOTE(moedrabowsky @ Sep 21 2005, 07:53 AM) Quoted post

      "Yeah, well what's Bill Maher's plan? It's easy to criticize the president without offering solutions."

      It was even funnier during the show. Maher is an equal opportunity critic, and he's calling it exactly how he and a whole bunch of us see it.

      Start lobbing "liberal" around now, my GOP lackeys. It always works in a pinch.
      [/b][/quote]


      As usual we see another example of someone that offers nothing in the way of solutions.

      I'm not going to allow this guy to pull us into another "blame game" when this nation has so many critical issues to resolve.

      It's hard work.
      Sponsor of Alex Pieterangelo.

      ..."I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered." George Best

      Comment


      • #4
        Ah, shut the fuck up.

        Comment


        • #5
          I always watch the show. The New Rules are the best. Although Bill does tend to lean way left, he is, as Moed pointed out, an equal opportunity critic. Last night Senator Schumer was on and Bill, after criticizing the Bush's appointment of Michael Brown, asked the senator if they are just as culpable for his appointment because they confirmed him 91 to 0 with only an hour's worth of debate.
          "You can't handle my opinions." Moedrabowsky

          Jeffro is a hell of a good man.

          "A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel." - Robert Frost

          Comment


          • #6
            On the very highly conservative Springfield MO radio talk station I listen to sometimes for comedy, they were ripping Bush and Republicans in general for their spending, and they and the callers that call in were talking about how they have left or are about to leave the Republican party. Many of them want a third party to step up and be a factor.

            I am frankly surprised his approval rating still hovers close to 40%. The blindly partisan are starting to stick out from the sinking waters that is this catastrophic administration.

            A good analogy is comparing Bush's 8-year run to a demolition derby. Start off with a car with a few dents in it, nothing too major, and then 8 years later after Bush has driven it, the car is completely smashed up, sort of like this picture here...



            Thats the best analogy I can think of for this administration.
            “I’ve always stated, ‘I’m a Missouri Tiger,’” Anderson said March 13 after Arkansas fired John Pelphrey, adding, “I’m excited about what’s taking place here.”

            Asked then if he would talk to his players about the situation, he said, “They know me, and that’s where the trust comes in.

            Comment


            • #7
              QUOTE
              ...you govern like Billy Joel drives.[/b][/quote]

              Good line.

              Moon

              Comment


              • #8
                someone sent this to me today.

                [attachmentid=395]
                Sometimes elections have positive consequences!

                Comment


                • #9
                  QUOTE(FAR52 @ Sep 21 2005, 09:02 AM) Quoted post

                  I always watch the show. The New Rules are the best.
                  [/b][/quote]

                  What's that?
                  Dude. Can. Fly.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    QUOTE(dvyyyyyy @ Sep 21 2005, 09:19 AM) Quoted post

                    QUOTE(FAR52 @ Sep 21 2005, 09:02 AM) Quoted post

                    I always watch the show. The New Rules are the best.
                    [/b][/quote]

                    What's that?
                    [/b][/quote]

                    Here are the new rules he came up with on last night's show.

                    QUOTE
                    It's time for this week's New Rules.

                    New Rule: Michael Brown must un-resign so he can be publicly fired. We are not letting you off that easy, Brownie. You can't just slink off midway through your service. This is FEMA, not the Texas Air National Guard.

                    New Rule: The fortunes in fortune cookies have to be fortunes. "You surround yourself with good friends" is not a prediction. It's a compliment. Quit kissing my ass, cookie! If I'm going to sit through a plate of MSG-laden, twice-cooked kitty-cat, I want a real fortune like, "That meal you just ate is going to give you cancer."

                    New Rule: There aren't "101 Sex Tricks." In fact, ladies, there is only one. It's called the blowjob. Do it 101 times.

                    New Rule: A terrorist threat should not end with the words, "Seriously, dude." A terrorist video has surfaced wherein an Al Qaeda operative from Orange County--threatened the U.S. Hey, face it, man, you're not a jihadist. You're Napoleon Dynamite with this mother's dishtowel on his head. Turn off the camcorder, go back to your parents' basement and download porn, you loser.

                    New Rule: Stop telling me celebrities are too thin, when really the rest of America is too fat. I think I know where Nicole Richie's boobs went. [photo of obese man in swimsuit] This guy's got 'em.

                    And finally, New Rule: For Christ's sake, no more devil movies. "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" opened huge last week, and it surprised a lot of people, mostly because Owen Wilson wasn't in it. But exorcism, or as the Catholics call it, "elective surgery," is a popular theme nowadays because it reinforces the comforting notion that evil resides outside of us.

                    Well, I'm sorry, but it doesn't. And whenever I hear someone blame a bombing in Baghdad or a levee breaking in New Orleans on the forces of evil, it makes me so mad I just want to grab my pitchfork and stick it right through my cloven hoof!

                    Now, Americans have always loved devil movies: "The Exorcist," "The Omen," "Rosemary's Baby," "The Devil's Advocate." The list goes on forever because Americans love the devil. Why? Because he's simple and he provides a simple answer. He did it.

                    But evil is not a demon with a tail and horns. That's a Jew. And evil - evil isn't some spectral goblin with red eyes and the voice of Anthony Hopkins. That's Anthony Hopkins.

                    Is George Bush purely evil? Of course not. And that's what's so evil about him. He doesn't twirl a mustache and smirk and cackle. Well, he doesn't twirl a mustache. He's like the Peanuts character Pigpen. Wherever he goes, he stirs up such a humongous mess it can only be cleaned up by Halliburton. But he is not pure evil.

                    Because evil is a chain. Did any one person doom New Orleans? No, it's a chain. People vote for a corrupt leader; a corrupt leader puts unqualified cronies in high places, and when those cronies fuck up, evil gets done. The devil didn't fly up from hell and knock a hole in that levee. The levee just didn't get built because the money for it went to rich people's tax cuts and pork projects and corporate welfare.

                    Evil isn't "Salem's Lot." It's Trent Lott. This week, an ailing American bald eagle was found to be dying from mercury poisoning. Republicans immediately tried to blame it on the eagle's lifestyle choices. But it's worth noting that also this week, the White House threatened to veto limits on mercury pollution. Now, pure evil would be if George Bush sat around the White House saying, "Let's poison eagles!" And even I don't believe George Bush would do that.

                    Cheney would do that. And even he is not pure evil. Dick Cheney doesn't hate poor children and caribou. They're just in the way.

                    Bottom line: some people think Satan is real and some people think global warming is real. If you think stopping gays from doing it is more important than the ice caps melting, the boogeyman is you...

                    Thank you. Excellent panel. That's our show. I want to thank Willie Brown, Joy Behar, P.J. O'Rourke, Dan Senor and Senator Charles Schumer. Thank you, folks. [/b][/quote]
                    "You can't handle my opinions." Moedrabowsky

                    Jeffro is a hell of a good man.

                    "A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel." - Robert Frost

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      QUOTE(cardinalgirl @ Sep 21 2005, 08:18 AM) Quoted post

                      someone sent this to me today.

                      [attachmentid=395]
                      [/b][/quote]

                      This administration kind of has that decline of the Roman Empire and the Huns have crossed the Rubicon kind of feel.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Watching Joy Behar on that show was painful.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          QUOTE
                          P.J. O'Rourke,[/b][/quote]

                          Would have been fun to see those two go at it.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            QUOTE(Reggie Cleveland @ Sep 21 2005, 08:29 AM) Quoted post

                            QUOTE
                            P.J. O'Rourke,[/b][/quote]

                            Would have been fun to see those two go at it.
                            [/b][/quote]

                            I really like him. Great writer...always made me want to visit Albania

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Wow. That is excellent. Thanks far.
                              Dude. Can. Fly.

                              Comment

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