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"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's
no more money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start
another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck,
the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping
poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit
cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished.
Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest
and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil
company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try
the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what
you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President
could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a
lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales
tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And
Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.
But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you
govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm
surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a
catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty
president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water
and snakes.
"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus,
four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the
City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you
don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could
be if you were on the other side.
So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: 'Take a
hint.' "
no more money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start
another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck,
the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping
poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit
cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished.
Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest
and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil
company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try
the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what
you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President
could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a
lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales
tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And
Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.
But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you
govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm
surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a
catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty
president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water
and snakes.
"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus,
four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the
City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you
don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could
be if you were on the other side.
So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: 'Take a
hint.' "
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