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  • Bad Joke Monday

    A minister placed four worms into separate jars.
    The first was placed in a jar of alcohol. The second was put in a jar filled with cigarette smoke. The third was placed in a jar of chocolate syrup and the fourth was put into a jar filled with clean soil.
    The first worm placed in alcohol soon died.
    The second worm placed in second-hand smoke also ended up dead.
    The third worm placed in chocolate also was soon deceased.
    The fourth worm – placed in good soil – thrived.
    When the minister asked what could be learned from the demonstration, a kid in the back of the church quickly raised his hand and replied:
    “As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate – you won’t have any worms.”


    Have a nice week, ya'll.
    His mind is not for rent, to any god or government.
    Pointless debate is what we do here -- lvr

  • #2
    A sports joke --

    Football FINALLY makes sense.........

    A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

    "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

    Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

    "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!
    "I am for truth no matter who says it. I am for justice no matter who it is for or against."...Malcom X

    Comment


    • #3
      C, E flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'm sorry. We don't serve minors." E flat leaves and C and G have a fifth between them.
      Damn these electric sex pants!

      26+31+34+42+44+46+64+67+82+06 = 10

      Bring back the death penalty for corporations!

      Comment


      • #4
        1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
        (Because they are plugged into a genius)

        2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
        (They don't have enough time)

        3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
        (They don't stop to ask directions)

        4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
        (Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

        5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
        (So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)

        6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
        (You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

        7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
        (Don't know.....it's never happened)

        8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
        (Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
        Official Lounge Sponsor of Kentucky - The Bluegrass State
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        NOW Sponsoring St. Louis Cardinals #3 Abraham Nunez
        LET'S GO CARDINALS!!!!! \"IPB

        "From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere..."

        formerly aka Lois Lane - Going back to my hillbilly roots!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Lois Lane@Aug 29 2005, 11:36 AM
          1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
          (Because they are plugged into a genius)

          2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
          (They don't have enough time)

          3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
          (They don't stop to ask directions)

          4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
          (Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

          5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
          (So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)

          6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
          (You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

          7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
          (Don't know.....it's never happened)

          8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
          (Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)


          Gotta get these to my wife. Her and her gf love these types of 'man' jokes.
          Go Cards ...12 in 13.


          Comment


          • #6
            Feb. 08, 2005
            Lois Lane: What's the general opinion of a gal asking the guy out?

            Forever
            Lounge sponsor of YYZ and his Mardi Gras crew.
            Originally posted by Airshark
            NSane has already won - because the Sharks are well and truly ef'ed.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Nsane2Bme@Aug 29 2005, 12:50 PM

              Comment


              • #8
                http://www.baseballprospectus.com/ar...articleid=3888

                Code:
                Will Carroll 
                STANDINGS 
                
                
                NL EAST     NL CENTRAL     NL WEST
                Braves      Cardinals      Giants
                Mets       Cubs (WC)      Padres
                Phillies     Brewers       Dodgers
                Marlins     Astros       Diamondbacks
                Nationals    Reds        Rockies
                         Pirates
                
                Cy Young 
                
                Mark Prior 
                Ben Sheets 
                Jason Schmidt
                Code:
                Clay Davenport 
                
                STANDINGS 
                
                
                NL EAST     NL CENTRAL     NL WEST
                
                Phillies     Cubs        Padres
                Atlanta     Cardinals (WC)   Dodgers
                Mets       Astros       Giants
                Marlins     Brewers       Rockies
                Nationals    Pirates       Diamondbacks
                         Reds
                Code:
                Rany Jazayerli 
                STANDINGS 
                
                
                NL EAST     NL CENTRAL     NL WEST
                
                Phillies     Cubs        Dodgers
                Mets (WC)    Cardinals      Padres
                Braves      Brewers       Giants
                Marlins     Reds        Diamondbacks
                Nationals    Astros       Rockies
                         Pirates
                
                MVP 
                
                Carlos Beltran 
                Bobby Abreu 
                Adam Dunn 
                Nomar Garciaparra 
                Derrek Lee
                Code:
                Joe Sheehan 
                
                STANDINGS 
                
                
                NL EAST     NL CENTRAL     NL WEST
                
                Mets       Cubs        Dodgers
                Phillies     Cardinals (WC)   Padres
                Marlins     Reds        Giants
                Braves      Brewers       Diamondbacks
                Nationals    Astros       Rockies
                         Pirates
                
                MVP 
                
                Carlos Beltran 
                Albert Pujols 
                Scott Rolen 
                Bobby Abreu 
                Nomar Garciaparra
                -RBB

                Comment


                • #9
                  Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

                  One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

                  One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

                  The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer visit in his lavish office.

                    The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"

                    The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

                    Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."

                    Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

                    The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

                    Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"


                    The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm sorry, I had no idea"








                    And the lawyer says, "If I didn't give money to them, what makes you think I would give it to you?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Lois Lane@Aug 29 2005, 11:36 AM
                      5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
                      (So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)
                      Good GOD, humping women's legs at cocktal parties is so bad they need to plan how to stop it, but at the same time they plan on how to re elect a president who is screwing up the country financially and has gotten over 1000 kids killed (rightly or wrongly)?!???!?!!!?!
                      Official 2014-15 Lounge Sponsor of Jori Lehterä
                      "He'll Finnish You Off"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Ohio Blues+Aug 29 2005, 06:05 PM-->
                        QUOTE(Ohio Blues @ Aug 29 2005, 06:05 PM)
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