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Scenes from an Iowan Mall

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  • Scenes from an Iowan Mall

    Since moving, my house (such as it is) has become the northern party place for different friends and realitives. Guess they don't get that I moved away from THEM. Anyway, I have to play Julie McCoy every weekend.

    So today, since it was shitty out, we drove by my rail yard, watched my employees work and then drove to the John Deere Pavillion. I was amazed. It was like I was at Mecca for every farmboy ever spawned. These people were actually EXCITED to be there. Now that MTV has made the slackers think that JD gear is a fashion statement, the clothes were flying off the shelves. If you could put a JD logo on it, they sold it. The list is long,but I protested at the JD spinner baits.

    They have a place where they display the combines and shit. Those things are huge. And you don't need a license to drive them. The sugar cane thingy was cool. I don't imagine they sell a whole hell of those around here.

    So off to the Mall (since I'm surrounded by wimmens all weekend). Some thoughts....preggo girls and spandex DO NOT mix. Being a Goth in the QCA must be tough. How many stores can sell the same crappy earrings in the same Mall? The Hot Topic here sux. Strange how all the bands I listen to back in the day (and took shit for) are now cool. NEWS FLASH***** if you wear jeans and flip flops, you are gay. No grey area in the least bit. You. Are. Gay. Speaking of which, the sound that flipflops make on the feet of fat people is alarming. Looking at new houses and listening to the Grosse Point Blank soundtrack will make you review your life very closely. And yes, I was driving a mini-van. Wanna make something of it??

    I'm starting to BBQ now. Mrs. Celty and her friends want to drink tonight, so up the the GREASTEST LIQUOR STORE IN THE WORLD. They got Lambrusco and I got Jim Beam. Might be a ruff night.

    I know why fish gasp for air. I'm gasping for my old life. Transistions are hard. Change is good, at least thats what Bill Clinton told me. But has he ever lived in Iowa?

  • #2
    As odd as it sounds - I have heard good things about the John Deer Pavilion...not that I know jack shit about tractors or anything like that.
    Feb. 08, 2005
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    • #3
      If you want to go to "Tractor Mecca" just mark 9/1 - 9/5 on your calendars. It's called "Old Threshers Reunion" and it takes place every Labor Day weekend (Thurs - Mon) in Mt. Pleasant, IA. I've been going since I was born and for some reason, I love it. It doesn't change much from year to year although recently they've added a few new buildings and changed some things around.

      Check out their site:

      Old Threshers

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Celtic@Aug 12 2005, 08:07 PM


        I'm starting to BBQ now. Mrs. Celty and her friends want to drink tonight, so up the the GREASTEST LIQUOR STORE IN THE WORLD. They got Lambrusco and I got Jim Beam. Might be a ruff night.

        Did Mrs. Celty's friends ask for A1 sauce?

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        • #5
          NEWS FLASH***** if you wear jeans and flip flops, you are gay. No grey area in the least bit. You. Are. Gay
          Then I must be homo-rific. Comes from wearing the things year round.
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          • #6
            Originally posted by hansolo+Aug 12 2005, 09:26 PM-->
            QUOTE(hansolo @ Aug 12 2005, 09:26 PM)

          • #7
            Hey Celty...I spent a week in QC one day...I figured that you would fit right in up there... :P

            Dat's right!

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            • #8
              A flip flop rant! Amazing!
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              • #9
                Great diatribe, Celt.

                If you think they're happy at that particular mall, you should try visiting central Iowa's holy shopping shrine known as Jordan Creek in West Des Moines.

                Never have I seen so many people resemble Jack Nicholson's Joker in "Batman."
                "Let me lay it right on the line. Bigotry and racism are among the deadliest social ills plaguing the world today. The only way to destroy them is to expose them. If man is ever to be worthy of his destiny, we must fill our hearts with tolerance.- Stan Lee (circa 1968)

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                • #10
                  I have driven a combine.

                  And a tractor.

                  And detassled corn (which sucks).

                  And baled hay (which sucks worse).

                  And both walked beans, and ridden a bean bar at 6:30am (both suck worse than baling hay).

                  I have also been to a few Iowa malls (including an outlet mall) ....which may even rival the aforementioned activities...

                  Edit: I feel permitted to bitch...as I was born in the fine state of corn that brags the highest literacy rate in the nation...
                  " Look, forget the myths the media's created about the White House--the truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand."

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                  • #11
                    Originally posted by _STLfan_in_DFW@Aug 12 2005, 10:29 PM

                    Edit: corn that brags the highest literacy rate in the nation...
                    I figured the people there were dumber than corn... :P

                    Dat's right!

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                    • #12
                      Originally posted by _STLfan_in_DFW@Aug 12 2005, 10:29 PM
                      I have driven a combine.

                      And a tractor.

                      And detassled corn (which sucks).

                      And baled hay (which sucks worse).

                      And both walked beans, and ridden a bean bar at 6:30am (both suck worse than baling hay).

                      I have also been to a few Iowa malls (including an outlet mall) ....which may even rival the aforementioned activities...

                      Edit: I feel permitted to bitch...as I was born in the fine state of corn that brags the highest literacy rate in the nation...

                      It wasn't my intention to make fun of those people. I was trying to convey the culture shock that I was feeling. If you think aboot it, some of those farmers spend more time on farm equiptment than behind the wheel of a car.

                      I do stand behind my flipflop rant though. Ghey.

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                      • #13
                        Originally posted by _STLfan_in_DFW@Aug 12 2005, 09:29 PM
                        I have driven a combine.

                        And a tractor.

                        And detassled corn (which sucks).

                        And baled hay (which sucks worse).

                        And both walked beans, and ridden a bean bar at 6:30am (both suck worse than baling hay).

                        I have also been to a few Iowa malls (including an outlet mall) ....which may even rival the aforementioned activities...

                        Edit: I feel permitted to bitch...as I was born in the fine state of corn that brags the highest literacy rate in the nation...
                        Anybody who knows what it means to walk beans is a friend of mine.
                        "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
                        --Albert Einstein

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                        • #14
                          Originally posted by Celtic@Aug 12 2005, 06:07 PM
                          Since moving, my house (such as it is) has become the northern party place for different friends and realitives. Guess they don't get that I moved away from THEM. Anyway, I have to play Julie McCoy every weekend.

                          So today, since it was shitty out, we drove by my rail yard, watched my employees work and then drove to the John Deere Pavillion. I was amazed. It was like I was at Mecca for every farmboy ever spawned. These people were actually EXCITED to be there. Now that MTV has made the slackers think that JD gear is a fashion statement, the clothes were flying off the shelves. If you could put a JD logo on it, they sold it. The list is long,but I protested at the JD spinner baits.

                          They have a place where they display the combines and shit. Those things are huge. And you don't need a license to drive them. The sugar cane thingy was cool. I don't imagine they sell a whole hell of those around here.

                          So off to the Mall (since I'm surrounded by wimmens all weekend). Some thoughts....preggo girls and spandex DO NOT mix. Being a Goth in the QCA must be tough. How many stores can sell the same crappy earrings in the same Mall? The Hot Topic here sux. Strange how all the bands I listen to back in the day (and took shit for) are now cool. NEWS FLASH***** if you wear jeans and flip flops, you are gay. No grey area in the least bit. You. Are. Gay. Speaking of which, the sound that flipflops make on the feet of fat people is alarming. Looking at new houses and listening to the Grosse Point Blank soundtrack will make you review your life very closely. And yes, I was driving a mini-van. Wanna make something of it??

                          I'm starting to BBQ now. Mrs. Celty and her friends want to drink tonight, so up the the GREASTEST LIQUOR STORE IN THE WORLD. They got Lambrusco and I got Jim Beam. Might be a ruff night.

                          I know why fish gasp for air. I'm gasping for my old life. Transistions are hard. Change is good, at least thats what Bill Clinton told me. But has he ever lived in Iowa?
                          You ever wonder why Mirror in the Bathroom just makes you wanna dance?

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                          • #15
                            Originally posted by Celtic+Aug 13 2005, 10:24 AM-->
                            QUOTE(Celtic @ Aug 13 2005, 10:24 AM)
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