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Ten things a karaoke host can do to not go nuts

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  • Ten things a karaoke host can do to not go nuts

    10. Use rechargable batteries in the wireless mikes. 9. Eliminate all songs by Creed. 8. If you have to sing "Love Shack", (some night you do) sing the guy's part like you are Bob Dylan. 7. Occasionally tell people they don't sing well enough to do karaoke in public. 6. Don't ever say "let the preganant lady sing again" unless you know with absolute certainty that she really is pregnant. 5. When the girl that looks like Charlize Theron makes a request, pretend that you are having trouble hearing her, make her repeat it three or four times, and make damned sure you do what she says so she will come up and request some more stuff. 4. Whenever you see the word new, if you are singing, change it to nude. 3. If a macho biker type says play some F***ing rock and roll, do "Summerwind" by Sinatra. No one messes with Sinatra. 2. If you spot a guy with a bad toupee, sing "The Chair" by George Strait. Try to look mortified when you make a freudian slip on the first line of the song:"Excuse me, but I think you've got my hair". 1. Locate the stop button on your music player. Remember where it is.
    v



  • #2
    I had it spaced neatly, with the numbers coming down in a staight line. I will never learn how to post stuff the right way.
    v


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    • #3
      10. Use rechargable batteries in the wireless mikes.

      9. Eliminate all songs by Creed.

      8. If you have to sing "Love Shack", (some night you do) sing the guy's part like you are Bob Dylan.

      7. Occasionally tell people they don't sing well enough to do karaoke in public.

      6. Don't ever say "let the preganant lady sing again" unless you know with absolute certainty that she really is pregnant

      5. When the girl that looks like Charlize Theron makes a request, pretend that you are having trouble hearing her, make her repeat it three or four times, and make damned sure you do what she says so she will come up and request some more stuff.

      4. Whenever you see the word new, if you are singing, change it to nude.

      3. If a macho biker type says play some F***ing rock and roll, do "Summerwind" by Sinatra. No one messes with Sinatra.

      2. If you spot a guy with a bad toupee, sing "The Chair" by George Strait. Try to look mortified when you make a freudian slip on the first line of the song:"Excuse me, but I think you've got my hair".

      1. Locate the stop button on your music player. Remember where it is.
      . . . and to tell you this: I work with gays, have friends who are gay, go to church with gays. Most of them are aware that I believe that homosexual behavior is sin. Some of them actually agree. Most don't. It's OK . . . because they also know or at least have been made aware of my multitude of sins: adulterous heart, lustful and covetous behavior, wicked pride, angry spirit . . . do I need to go on?
      -mike
      mike smith, post-dispatch online sports editor

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      • #4
        So last night, this gal was celebrating her 40th birthday.....had me sing paradise by the dashboard light with her.......then said "I bet you never thought I'd grow up and sing this nasty song with you someday when you were my 6th grade teacher"

        I answered...."you realize I had a full head of hair before that year....lost it all....you were a terrifying little bitch!"

        "yeah! that's what all three of my ex-husbands say....one of them is dead! I love you, Mr. P."
        v


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        • #5
          kjoe lives the dream.
          "At a time like this, scorching irony, not convincing argument, is needed."
          – Frederick Douglass, doing an amazing job since 1852

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          • #6
            Originally posted by kjoe View Post
            So last night, this gal was celebrating her 40th birthday.....had me sing paradise by the dashboard light with her.......then said "I bet you never thought I'd grow up and sing this nasty song with you someday when you were my 6th grade teacher"

            I answered...."you realize I had a full head of hair before that year....lost it all....you were a terrifying little bitch!"

            "yeah! that's what all three of my ex-husbands say....one of them is dead! I love you, Mr. P."

            Comment

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